Working at the Sawmill
Two men were working at the sawmill and one guy got too close to the saw and cut his ear off. It fell in the sawdust pit so he jumped down into the pit and was hunting around trying to find it.
The second guy saw him and hollered down, "What're you doing?"
The first man said that he had cut off his ear and was looking for it.
The second guy said, "I'll help you" and jumped in the pit. He was searching around on his hands and knees and then hollered, "I found it!"
The first guy took it and examined it closely, then said, "Keep looking. Mine had a pencil behind it."
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Deaf Mute
One day, a deaf mute walks into a Chemist to buy some condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his willy on the counter, and puts down a five-pound note next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both notes and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't make a bet...
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his willy on the counter, and puts down a five-pound note next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both notes and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't make a bet...
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Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen
I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.
'I continued,
'Well, then why are you crying?' He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.
'I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.
'I inquired,
'Well then, why in the world would you be crying? 'He replied,
'I can't remember where I live.
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A Doctor Accidentally...
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
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