2) Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
3) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
4) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
5) I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
6) How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
7) Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
8) Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
9) Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
10) I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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2) Relationships are like fat people... Most of them don't work out.
3) Running away doesn't help you with your problems... unless you're fat.
4) I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
5) Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.
6) People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you've got diarrhea is better.
7) I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
8) I changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, "Your password is incorrect."
9) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10) Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad.
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1) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
2) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
3) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
4) If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
5) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6) Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
7) My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
8) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
9) Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
10) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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