JOKE ON JOKE

More Tommy Cooper Jokes

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two
school bags, he's bisatchel.

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So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman
wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

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So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load
of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

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"Cos it's strange, isn't it.
You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.

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"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.
' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."

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"I woke up the other night. I had one foot up here like this (pushing the flat of the hand under his chin), and the other up there like that; not like that (rotating his hand and back again), like that.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.
It came in at quarter past four.

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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners

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A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
Man says, Why? The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours'

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Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual' .
And the dentist said to me, 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Chau-Chou. But I think it's Colin.

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I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

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'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'

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'I was standing at a party the other night and across the room was an attractive woman. I looked at her and cocked my eye. She looked at me and cocked her eye back. And there we stood, cock-eyed.

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So I said to the doctor. 'People keep taking the Mickey out of me because I keep thinking I'm a cricket ball. 'The doctor said 'Howzat?' I said, 'don't you start'.

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

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A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

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I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a mussel.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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JOKE ON JOKE